"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire Do you know how frustrating your spouse can be? You have tried and tried to get him/her to change, but nothing ever changes. Read on to discover a parable about how to find more peace in your marriage relationship even when you mate is not willing to change.
The Parable of the Rock Garden
Once upon a time, there was a gardener who found the perfect piece of land for his formal garden. He could envision boardthe neatly trimmed hedges, fountains, and lined walkways.
The only problem was a big ugly rock in the middle of the property, but he thought he could easily remove it. At first, he ignored the rock and planted around it. Eventually, the time came to deal with the rock. He tried and tried to move that rock, but it would not budge. The gardener did not know what else to do, it seemed that the garden was ruined. It would be easier to sell the land and start over. However, his losses would be too great.
He finally accepted that the rock was there to stay and his plans would have to change. He would just have to work around the rock. Slowly, he came up with a new design that was less formal. The walkways were changed to meandering paths and the fountains became ponds full of fish. The landscape looked even worse during the excavation, but over time the shrubs grew around the rock and moss grew over it. The rock became a natural part of the landscape and was not as noticeable. However, it took a lot of work, commitment, and time for this to happen.
The Interpretation
Sometimes marriage is like this garden. Before getting married, we think we have found our perfect soul mate. Because we truly love each other everything will work out. Perhaps everything is smooth sailing for a while. Then we may reach a hard place in our marriage when issues start to come up. It is difficult to see anything other than the problem.
In the parable, the gardener initially focused only on moving the rock. We also tend to spend our time and energy trying to get the other person to change. If he or she is unwilling to change, then the problem seems insurmountable. It is easy to become disillusioned and think the marriage is ruined.
Changing Your Plan
Sometimes you have to be the one to change. You may need to change your expectations or the way you approach the problem. This does not mean that you quit trying to resolve issues. It also does not mean that you just ignore serious problems such as adultery, abuse, or alcohol/drug abuse. However, there are things about your spouse that are just not going to change. For the sake of your marriage and your peace, you may need to let go and accept who you mate is. Sometimes when you start making changes, then you spouse maybe more willing to change.
Keeping those loving feelings is not always easy to do. If you are ready to know how to stay in love with your spouse, then I invite you to get our special report, "Keeping That Loving Feeling: 7 Secrets Every Couple Should Know" at http://www.BuildingYourDreamMarriage.com/LovingFeeling.html.
For more great tips and tools for building your dream marriage, visit our website at http://www.BuildingYourDreamMarriage.com. At our website, you can sign up for our free e-course, "5 Common Barriers to Building Your Dream Marriage".
Good luck with building your dream marriage- Laurel Barnet
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