Recently I conducted a creative training program for a large aerospace firm. During the course I asked the training participants to gather into teams. Once their teams were formed I asked each team to brainstorm a creative solution to a hypothetical situation. During the follow-up and team discussion about their solutions, and the process by which they arrived at their recommendation, many of the team members admitted they went along for the ride. Either they felt overwhelmed by more dominate team members, or they did not believe their solution was as strong as the one agreed upon.
In essence they agreed because everyone else was in agreement, the Abilene Paradox revisited.
For those of you who have discovered that there is fact in the Abilene Paradox you may have, like me, found the outcome of this version of going along for the ride usually ends up in a less than satisfactory outcome. For those of you who would like a refresher or a heads-up on the Abilene Paradox here it is in a nut shell, as observed by management expert Jerry B. Harvey.
On a hot afternoon visiting in Coleman, Texas, the family is comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father-in-law suggests that they take a trip to Abilene (fifty-three miles away to the north) for dinner. The wife says, "Sounds like a great idea." The husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thinks that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and says, "Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go." The mother-in-law then says, "Of course I want to go. I haven't been to Abilene in a long time."
The drive is hot, dusty, and long. When they arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad. They arrive back home four hours later, exhausted. One of them dishonestly says, "It was a great trip, wasn't it." The mother-in-law says that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other three were so enthusiastic. The husband says, "I wasn't delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you." The wife says, "I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that." The father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others might be bored.The group sits back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.
How many times have you sat back and wondered why you went along for the ride? Was it to be nice; to avoid confrontation; to try something new out of boredom? Or, did you actually believe that what was in store on this ride was going to result in a more productive outcome?
Next time you are faced with going along with the ride or the Abilene Paradox syndrome shows up in your dialog, apply assertive behavior techniques. For example, use I language. In addition, when an idea is presented that you believe will take you down a less than desirable path, speak-up and provide an alternative solution. Keep the dialog moving forward until everyone has had the opportunity to say whats on their mind then select an alternative, when appropriate. Now, lets go back to the scenario on the front porch and apply these techniques.
You might say, I think your idea is great, however I like playing dominos here on the porch with you and the family. The response may then be something like this. Well it was just a thought; I didnt want you to think I wasnt thinking of you and your Mom. You might respond with another assertive statement, Its very relaxing here in the shade and I really believe the company is what its all about. The idea about driving fifty-three miles across a dusty, hot landscape may be dropped immediately or, there may be additional input from others about alternatives that can work for everyone.
This leads us to the next important step. Lets go back to the front porch conversation. If you are the person who suggests the fifty-three mile trek, stay assertive by contributing to the ideas as they begin to unfold during the discussion. Sulking because your idea did not meet with everyones agreement makes you look as if you do not have personal confidence or confidence in others to develop additional ideas. Something wonderful may happen, you may come up with a better idea or the other individuals may come up with another idea or stay focused on the current course of action. Not all change is needed or necessary.
Whether you are in a family, team or group setting. Ask yourself. Is the proposed idea the best solution? Speak up and use the I language. And, if you suggested the original idea, listen to the recommendations of others. Figuratively speaking, who knows you may discover you really dont need to take that long fifty-three mile trek across a hot and dusty landscape there may be a different route.
Barbara L. Fielder, Author & Speaker
President
THE FIELDER GROUP, INC.
Barbara Fielder, has created effective and dynamic leadership development programs for domestic and international companies. She specializes in Human Resources, organizational development, leadership, supervision, communication, creativity and change. Barbara writes frequently on topics covering a wide range of business, leadership and communication issues. She is the author of I'm Communicating, But...Am I Being Heard? Smart & Painless Training Solutions for Busy Professionals and Motivation in the Workplace. Barbara has also written and illustrated five childrens books about Missy the Kitty.
Barbara earned her Masters in Human Resources from Kennedy-Western University, and her BSBA from Redlands University. She is a member of the National Speakers Association, American Society for Training & Development, SHRM and National Speakers Association of Tennessee. Copyright 2007 Barbara L. Fielder
http://www.thefieldergroupusa.com 1-888-255-9248 barbara@thefieldergroupusa.com
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